Thursday, August 16, 2007

Amanda Bynes is defeating my (low) expectations

Some years ago I used to watch All That in Nickelodeon all the time. I loved the show; but I loved watching sweet little Amanda even more. I frequently fantasized about the cute 11-year-old...when I was 12. I'm not going to jail yet.

A decade later All That is still on TV, but Amanda is no longer there. I figured she probably lost her child star power a long time ago (Thanks in large to The Amanda Show) and has become an early wash-up, whose remaining hope is to use the patented Lohan method of gaining attention: get wasted, wear slutty clothes, and basically prance around like a dumb whore.

But it seems darling Amanda is actually hanging in there pretty well! What a relief! She may have grown a bit (sexier) and acquired some ass and tittage through the years but the overall sweet, innocent aura she radiates has not disappeared since the last time I saw her on TV. Although, I don't really mind a couple of nipple slips here and there...or some full nudity. But only in front of me.

I even watched She's The Man just to see more of her, despite my gut telling me it will suck (it did). But at least I got to see my Amanda and her new sexy figure!

Friday, July 27, 2007

Paris Hilton is such a slut

It doesn't take entertainment-savvy people to figure that out. Not many people will object either because, well, it's true. Paris Hilton, what a slut you are. You have everything in the world--riches, fame, and a sexy figure--and you still throw your life away.

But I will admit: I would repeatedly hump the living Jesus out of this sexy doll if given the chance. Paris Hilton may be a slut, but she's a hot slut. I don't admit this to my friends because I want to be a good role model, since anyone can try and there's no harm in doing so. Whew. I feel much better. I think I can say that again--Paris is hot. Okay maybe saying she's hot is not the problem, but giving her praise.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Avril Lavigne: "Hell yeah I'm hot!"

Avril Lavigne is sexy incarnate. I can't count how many friends I've lost defending Avril Lavigne :( Yes, she's a poser; she isn't "hardcore", she isn't "punk", and her music definitely isn't something you'd want to be caught listening to--especially if you're a guy. But damn, she's hot. This makes me sound like a complete buffoon, but it's the shortest, sweetest, and truest way to describe her.

I'm having difficulty coming to terms with the fact that we're almost the same age (she's actually younger than I by a few months), and yet she's wallowing in more money than I could ever dream of using. And why not? With songs like "Complicated" and "Sk8erboi" she has successfully captured the hearts and minds of 13-year-old hardcore posers wearing neckties over their t-shirts aroundthe world with her music in one hand, while seductively beckoning men 18 and above with the other. The end result is a wide target audience and millions of sales, and lots of hot pictures stored in hidden folders. Speaking of similarities, the Canadian-born sexy and I share quite a few similarities. For instance, we were both born in 1984. Furthermore, her name is Avril, and I was born in April ("Avril" happens to be French for "April"; I have no idea why since she was born in September). And, uh, yeah. I'm entitled to bang her I suppose. But she's married. But who's gonna stop there?

Her new single, "Girlfriend", makes her even cuter than she has ever been. She looks like she has taken a step back by singing dumb lyrics with a catchy tune (and people will agree with me), while bouncing around like a typical teenybopper in her video. It might look like she's trying to appeal to a different demographic of perverts this time, which can be true; however--goddamn, that miniskirt-knee-high socks combination is HOT.

She has once said that she's actually trying to become Britney Spears, which is sort of okay in my opinion, since they're really both a couple of (hot) teenyboppers and nothing would really change with her statement and ambition. But I will agree with the guy who wrote that linked article from Hollywood Tuna--don't lose the hair. Especially since she gave the greatest hair tip of all.

And for your viewing pleasure, here she is, topless (from Blender magazine)

Boobs barely covered. SEXY.fap fap fap

Monday, July 23, 2007

If Kate Beckinsale were a vampire, I'd invite her to suck on me anyday (or night).

Kate Beckinsale is simply meant to be on the big screen. Born in London, from a father who is a television actor and a mother who is an actress both on TV and on stage, Kate Beckinsale is brimming with talent, not to mention looks.

Her early life was not all too glamorous, however. As an adolescent, she was rebellious and distraught, leading her to develop anorexia and start smoking. Later on she would follow in her parents' footsteps and begin acting herself, starting with small television roles. To widen her range of roles, she studied three foreign languages and reached the highest levels of mastery for each.

After her first (and unsuccessful) American film, Brokedown Palace, she was cast in 2001 for a role in Pearl Harbor as Lt. Evelyn Johnson, the lead female character. For this role, she was nominated for at least two awards—Best Female Performance in MTV Movie Awards and Best FilmChemistry (with Ben Affleck) in Teen's Choice Awards.
By now she has truly gained the attention of film producers and the public. Her biggest movies to date are Underworld and Underworld: Evolution, where she plays the main character—a sultry vampire/hunter (as opposed to a vampire hunter). Her hot and sexy role (which she partly owes to her equally hot and sexy British accent) as Selene the vampire is perhaps an even bigger breakthrough for her than her role in Pearl Harbor as Underworld got people to talk about her and take notice of the previously unheard-of beauty. The fast-paced action in the movie seemed like nothing to the actress as she gracefully kills werewolves while maintaining a cold, indifferent look.

Other notable movies that feature Kate Beckinsale are Serendipity (as Sara Thomas), The Aviator (as Ava Gardner), and Van Helsing (as Anna Valerious, a vampire hunter this time).